"There's no way to turn back"

Hey hey sweet readers, did you miss me? Eheh kidding =P So, how are holidays going? Tell me everything!!

Well, my birthday...where I sould start? It was a day full of ups and downs...mostly ups thank god x3 but the dawn thing...pretty bad, actually...

It's official, my friends here from village hate me. Ok, it's a too deep word to use in this subject... But that's it. They sent me messages in my birthday and everything...but one of my male friends and my called "best"friend made me feel so so bad... He simply didn't get what I said...but it was always like that so... But I'm sad anyway, 'cause he was one of my true friends, and he can't understand me...ok, no one can't but... And my friend, started to send me ironical messages... I tried to explain to her everything, again... they don't get it...

I think only people who already have or are passing by that right now that understand what I feel...

I know I messed up...I did wrong when I disappeared from their lives...but it didn't depended only of me. My parent got divorced at what, one year? One and half? And I left too, to go to university... My mom it's way better I think but, my brother needs me I know...I try to give him all the attention that I have when I came home at the weekends.

About this all thing, my dad was the one that take me and picks me to go to be with my friends at the coffee and stuff. Now he can't...because that b... girlfriend... And I don't want him to think that I'm always beg him everything... And I also don't want to ask my friends to come to pick me all the time... besides the fact that in the last year we had problems because of that and I swore that I would never ask for that again so...

I spend my birthday with my dad and at night I was alone at home...(probably they were thinking that I had a huge party with my friends from university but no. I love then anyway, it's not because I'm not with then that I forgot them...) And then, she start to make me feel like crap...I can't handle that! Ok...they have all the right to be sad with me and dissapointed but that? I can't admit it! No one have that right!

If this is the consequence for want to give attention to my family, well...what can I do?

At least I expected that with time we could have a healthy relationship. I know the things won't be the same anymore... But they don't need to treat me bad! They have all the right to be mad, sad, dissapointed...but that, no.

I'm sorry ='(

Ok, stop to talk about that.

My birthday was mostly positive. My parents have already gave me they gift but I received something more from them, besides the other stuff...money, a new cellphone THANK GOD, the book that I wanted to buy *O* and a beautiful bouquet of white roses, love it! S2*

Aaaaand, I talked with him!!! *O* now, shhhh! x3

~
Thanks so much again for all the messages, you rock guys! *-*

Cya soon!!!

xoxo*

PS: New photos on my facebook page, comment please ;) eheh

Por que tenho de dar dez motivos concretos para não ter, quando não me conseguem dar um único motivo válido para ter?

Bem, hoje senti a necessidade de vir aqui desabafar... Tendo em conta alguns dos acontecimentos da minha vida, por vezes dou por mim a pensar nesta temática de ser mãe. Nunca quis ser mãe. Desde sempre. Nunca tive esse desejo, essa vontade e, apesar de ter uma justificativa perfeitamente válida, questionava-me se era possível haver algo mais - não sei, algum fio aqui no cérebro ligado a outra fonte sei lá - que me levou desde sempre a ter esta ideia. Até porque, nunca fui de ideias certas. Talvez devido à minha ansiedade e à necessidade incontrolável de querer sempre estar a par de tudo e controlar tudo...custa-me muito tomar qualquer decisão que seja, mesmo ponderando todos os cenários possíveis e imaginários. Quanto à justificativa mas óbvia que tenho é certo que é o facto de não gostar de crianças. Oh pah, é uma coisa...não sei explicar. Irritam-me. São chatas, inconveniente, não param quietas, são naturalmente más... Sempre que me deparo num espaço fechado com uma criança aos berro...

We just can truly trust in ourselves...

It's soon right? Well, I can't sleep... I use to sleep till 1:00pm so yeah, it's soon. . You know when a person realize that everyone it's hiding something from you? Or, when you always are the last person to know about this or that thing...? Or also when you think you know a person and then you realize that you're not so sure of that? Well, it's kind of like that... . Last week something happened and, I'm glad for that... 'cause if that hadn't happened probably I would continue to be the jerk here. It's like...I say something to the X person , then the X person tells everything to the Y person and then they talk and talk and I'm out of the line thinking that I can trust in the X person ... Well, it wasn't a BIG thing, at all...but for me it matters...and was not the first time in so shorter time... . The thing is that if they had trust in me, probably many thing would have been avoided... Now everything makes sence... But that's no...

Monday

Hi people!!! How are you??? . Well, as I told you, today i was with my ex english teacher. We werechecking all things about university...now we just have to make a little phone call...and done =) I mean, for now xD So, I want apologize myself...'cause I had with a little problem with my blog so I just saw all your comments now. . So, I also wat to say that as you can see, I'm moderating my comments now so I'll not accept offensive comments so, take your breath (I mean, your fingers) ;) . I want to apologize too to the anonimous person who says something about obert pattinson....I deleted the comment but was not with that intention... xD I really think that too...lool, I'm always saying that he seems like he's stoned or somoke something xD but that because I think he's sp funny (call me crazy lool). . To the other anonimous person... I'm not gonna spend my time explain such a simple thing like my name looool. One word: RIDICULOUS! O...

~ Life was made for something, don't you think?

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