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In another dimention...

Well, I wrote this last night in my draft book... It's very personal so...well, you'll see... . "What's happening with me? . I knew that I was complicated, but that much??? It's unbelievable! It's unreal! It's unnatural! I'm stupid! I'm so so stupid! No, better, I'm a bitch! I just can be! . Why we have to fall in love for the wrong person? Why we love those who don't love us? And why those persons love us when we don't feel the same? Life is so stupid...Love it's stupid!!! Love is the most stupid irrational destructive feeling! Why we have to love someone? . Gosh! What I'm talking about anyway? Fall in love? I than even know what the hell that means... I don't know what I feel... If I'm a bitch? Yes I am. 'Cause the things that has crossed my mind these days...unbelievable! . Sudently love seemed such a silly feeling... . SEE??? I change of feelings as a person change a t-shirt...I'm not normal... . You know, I t...
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We just can truly trust in ourselves...

It's soon right? Well, I can't sleep... I use to sleep till 1:00pm so yeah, it's soon. . You know when a person realize that everyone it's hiding something from you? Or, when you always are the last person to know about this or that thing...? Or also when you think you know a person and then you realize that you're not so sure of that? Well, it's kind of like that... . Last week something happened and, I'm glad for that... 'cause if that hadn't happened probably I would continue to be the jerk here. It's like...I say something to the X person , then the X person tells everything to the Y person and then they talk and talk and I'm out of the line thinking that I can trust in the X person ... Well, it wasn't a BIG thing, at all...but for me it matters...and was not the first time in so shorter time... . The thing is that if they had trust in me, probably many thing would have been avoided... Now everything makes sence... But that's no...
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Por que tenho de dar dez motivos concretos para não ter, quando não me conseguem dar um único motivo válido para ter?

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Bem, hoje senti a necessidade de vir aqui desabafar... Tendo em conta alguns dos acontecimentos da minha vida, por vezes dou por mim a pensar nesta temática de ser mãe. Nunca quis ser mãe. Desde sempre. Nunca tive esse desejo, essa vontade e, apesar de ter uma justificativa perfeitamente válida, questionava-me se era possível haver algo mais - não sei, algum fio aqui no cérebro ligado a outra fonte sei lá - que me levou desde sempre a ter esta ideia. Até porque, nunca fui de ideias certas. Talvez devido à minha ansiedade e à necessidade incontrolável de querer sempre estar a par de tudo e controlar tudo...custa-me muito tomar qualquer decisão que seja, mesmo ponderando todos os cenários possíveis e imaginários. Quanto à justificativa mas óbvia que tenho é certo que é o facto de não gostar de crianças. Oh pah, é uma coisa...não sei explicar. Irritam-me. São chatas, inconveniente, não param quietas, são naturalmente más... Sempre que me deparo num espaço fechado com uma criança aos berro...
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